Gina Szajnuk: Lucy had yet another procedure today. I used to have panic attacks when the children had to have sedation. I was so worried about them dying. Once, I actually checked myself into the emergency room when Ava was having one of her many MRI s. Luckily, my mother was with me to be with her when she woke up.  Today, I actually overheard a doctor and the nurses discussing that the mother of the child in recovery had checked herself into the emergency room because she was having a panic attack while her child was in surgery. I wonder how often this happens?  I know every parent has some level of anxiety with any surgery or procedure that requires sedation. How many people actually feel like the are going to pass out or their blood pressure is off the charts? I know so many families suffer from anxiety. Well, I have been struggling with anxiety every since I gave birth to Ava. The minute I held her in my arms…BOOM! Welcome to the world of worry!

I have had to put my children under sedation so many times. Today, was the first day I did not have any anxiety. This was a huge and meaningful experience today. I even slept last night without having horrible visions of her dying running through my head. I did not even get upset at my husband for being out of town this time. I didn’t even stress to my family back in the Midwest this time.

There were several reasons why I think I didn’t stress so much today with Lucy’s procedure. The first being that we finally have a hospital that knows us and knows my three children. We have gone to eight hospitals in the last four years. Primary Children’s Hospital is finally our home for the care of our three undiagnosed children. When I walk into the hospital, I recognize the nurses and the doctors as well as their staff. Our GI specialist was there today with another patient. We hugged and talked about my children for a few minutes. I hugged my specialist today that performed her procedure. I walked the halls with the comfort of knowing that my children are in good hands and the doctors know that our children have something undiagnosed but they are still just children that need the day-to-day care of specialists.

The second reason I felt so comfortable is that I have other families that live in and out of Primary Children’s Hospital. Just this past Tuesday, Oskar and Lucy had their yearly neuromuscular appointment. On that specific day, we had two other families within our rare connections there as well. I was able to see Harlie Valdez during one of her treatment sessions. I was able to visit Bertrand Might and his mom, Cristina. Today, I was able to visit Bertrand with Lucy and visit with Diane Might. I was able to meet a new young woman that is currently admitted. I was able to drop off a gift and give her a hug. It felt so good to see the other families. Although, I wish none of them had to be there right now, I did find comfort in seeing them.

Much love,

Gina