Today. I really feel the pain in my hands.

I put off going to the grocery store for a few days. I was dreading the errand. I usually enjoy grocery shopping with the kids. Not today.

My hands. They hurt. They hurt a lot. My knuckles are getting bigger every week. They are scaring me. Will they ever stop getting bigger?!

As I got the kids in the car to leave for the grocery story, I opened an email from a friend offering to help with meals for our family.  I immediately started to cry.  Oskar asked, “Are those happy or sad tears?”

I told Oskar that they were happy tears. I feel blessed to have such amazing friends and family.  I feel blessed to have such a support group.

When I got back from the store. The kids ran into the house to take off their jackets. I sat on the steps of  the garage and cried. Not happy tears. They were from pain.

I am a 42 year old woman with three small children. I am not giving up the use of my hands. I will suffer through the pain.  I want to tie their shoes. I want to braid their hair. I want to cut their food. I just want my hands to stop hurting! Why can’t we figure out what is causing my hands to be like this?!

As I write this blog, I am brought back to the screams of Ava saying, “Why won’t anyone help me?”

Well, I am screaming inside my head right now. “Why won’t anyone help my hands?!”